Something for me

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It’s been super delightful to begin to have my writing published on other blogs, forums, formats… I was blown away to be published on MindBodyGreen recently; I’ve absolutely adored being featured on Intent. I wasn’t expecting to be published on Recovering Yogi, which was amazing. And I would be bold-face lying if I said that I’d ever thought I’d be on Yoganonymous.

Until Oct 25, 2012, I’d never even submitted anything to be published at large. I had found my way into a group of contributors to Intent early on in the year, but I was too afraid to post anything. I knew I loved to write, but fear had me in it’s chains. I would write and post something once in a blue moon on my own blog, but never did I fathom posting something weekly to multiple blogs. It wasn’t until August, when I randomly sent something into Jennifer Pastiloff’s Manifestation Yoga blog, which she welcomed warmly and raved about endlessly, that I realized that all I had to do was…. DO IT.

I reached out to my friend, inspiration and magnificently fearless colleague, Chelsea Roff. I wrote her an email. It went something like this…

Chelsea, I want to contribute but I don’t know if I’m good enough.

Before I could edit, I hit send. I didn’t hear back. I went into my story about this. Oh-My-God, I-was-too-weak. I-laid-myself-out there and she-didn’t-reply. She’s-so-busy; she’s-so-important. She-probably-just-deleted-me-off-of-the-contributor-email-list and I’ll-never-hear-from-her-again. (Wait for it, here’s where the really good/bad stuff comes in… You know this moment?) How could I be so stupid?! After not hearing back for a week and attempting to talk myself off the ledge all this time, finally, I reached out. I wrote:

Chelsea, I haven’t heard back from you. I’m kind of disappointed. Am I off the contributor list now? (Sheepish.)

She replied instantly –

Rebecca, I missed your original email! Oh my gosh, I love your blog and your writing, etc etc etc. 

And then, she started publishing me. She helped me select a piece. We went from there…

How many times have you done this to yourself? I know I for one have done this countless times. I don’t get the instant gratification I seek so I go into creative territory. I start berating myself, making up fiction, and hiding behind a well-oiled list of my faults, my flaws, my shortcoming’s, my inability to do anything that “matters” because of my ______________ (education, location, weight, upbringing, parental status, marital status, inability to hold blank-stand for xandx seconds, etc. etc. etc.) I’m here to tell you, it’s bullshit. It’s all a story.

Brene Brown has this really great bit in her book,Daring Greatly. She talks about how we really want to experience other people’s vulnerability but we want nothing to do with our own. It’s ok on someone else, but on our own person, ick. But here’s the thing: we’re all equal when it comes to this stuff. We’re equal in our need to grow, expand, strengthen, and survive. I recently received an email from Caroline Myss that has a great quote too. She says, “All life breathes, moves, heals and suffers together.” It’s true. It’s so true.

So here I am. Beaming with pride, naked with vulnerability, sharing with you – each day, each breath, each triumph, each fall. We’re all in this together. This post – this one is something for me. As more often than not lately, I’m writing for others. This one is something for me. And for you. With love.