Strong Love

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Actually, I’m not afraid right now. Well, not very… It’s something I’m working hard on in my life – Not. Being. Afraid. Not being afraid to let my perceived “warts” show, not being afraid to change something up if my integrity calls for it {like the tried and true template of my well attended classes – or not change it all if I don’t want to}, not being afraid to be silent when someone expresses their opinion {even if I don’t agree with it, even if they are so uncomfortable in their own skin that all I want to do is make chatter to alter the cocktail of energy in the air to make it more palatable to my energetic PH balance, being silent is sometimes the bravest thing you can do}, not being afraid to let a highly unpredictable student offer a soul stirring anecdote in class when he requests… I am working to not slave to fear.

It’s all around me, this allegiance to fear. Today, in class, in this mindset of not slaving to insecurity, I shared a story about a friendship gone awry in the last year. I explained how badly I muffed this friendship up and how in all accountability I was working to repair the friendship while also honoring my own journey and not be too hard on myself for my own conditioning that up until now has led to be to the inability to maintain healthy, long term female relationships {save for a few}. Afterwards, two students came up to share fascinating bits:

1. A beautiful, independent one said: You know, I’m not going to say that maybe you shouldn’t apologize and maybe you don’t have something to learn about how you handled the friendship, but I will say that you are a strong woman, as am I. And as strong women, we often alienate ourselves because “weaker” women just can’t handle our strength. I smiled. Thank you, I said. And at one point in my life, this was my story. I was just a strong woman that other people can’t handle. But these days, I have reason to reconsider. Why can’t I be strong and kind at the same time? Why can’t I be graceful and tough as nails at once? Who says that being strong means you have to bulldoze people? I am working to balance strength and a generous spirit, with love, merriment, happiness and joy.

2. A mighty, distinct female character said: I don’t want to offend you but I’m going to see (XXXXX – friend I’d mentioned in class during story about how I muffed up). Why would I be offended? I had just explained and genuinely meant that I had nothing but love in my heart for this person.

This is something Anita Moorjani covers in her book, Dying to Be Me. She speaks to the temptation to get sucked into the pain and drama of the outside world. But if we remember, if we can recall our own magnificence and recognize that we are all connected, we are all one, we are all here to live passionately, express beauty and raw emotions, we will be able to live our lives fearlessly.

So that is what I choose. Fearless, joyful, kind-hearted and yes, stalwart, stout, unyielding living. Strong Love.