This has been a wild summer for me. I left a secure job, directing a studio that I opened, managing the teachers, the calendar, the workshops, the marketing… I loved it. I loved everything about it. The teachers, the students, the community… But I had an opportunity that I couldn’t refuse. The vision was grande. It included all of the beauty I’d already created and more… Something that hadn’t been done yet. Healing an industry I dearly loved. And so, like I’ve done before in my varying careers, I leapt. I took a great risk.
For unforeseen reasons, my new venture has dissipated, unravelled. Out of love for my friends who were dreaming of creating something new with me and out of a desire to maintain some privacy around this transition, I am not going to disclose the details of this shift in direction, only that it was done with love and consciously.
I will also say that it has not been without a great deal of pain, fear and soul-searching, as well as tears and hugs.
I can also say that I am staying true to myself, true to my dreams, and true to my soul’s calling. And that feels good, even if scary.
My friends have been wholeheartedly supportive. Thankfully, so has my family.
I am learning, when fear comes calling, which it often does, as do words/sensibilities like: doubt and failure, shame and humiliation, I am learning not to fall prey. I am learning instead to lean towards the light. I am learning to reach for thoughts that feel good, instead of the ones that are right in front of me. And when I do, every single time, when I do, something amazing happens. Someone calls, someone writes, something goes viral, something happens to signal to me that I am headed in the right direction.
The truth is, I have many dreams to address – writing a book, raising a family, focusing on my own practice, all while teaching privates and semi-privates, festivals and conferences, online classes and workshops in other cities, and yes, maybe one day again, regular, local classes.
The truth is, it is challenging, if not impossible, to faithfully tend to all of those moving parts while working for someone else.
The truth is, I’ve been lead out on my own many, many, many times before. And every single time, out of fear, I’ve found another path at the last minute.
I am not giving into fear this time. Nope. Not. I’ll ask you to hold me accountable to that.
I visited my mom at her grave the other day. In her silent, ever present way, she backed up my decision. I went full of heartache and fear. I left with the absolute certainty that all was exactly as it should be and that everything was going to be fine.
Adding a quick, somewhat comical PS –
I have been crushing on Caroline Myss lately. She has been a spiritual guide and someone I have adored for years now. I was listening to her radio show on Hay House radio this morning while walking/running the dog/baby. Someone was asking her about their purpose. She went ballistic. She started almost shouting, “How dare you think this is going to be easy?! Just because you are aligned with your spirit, meditating, praying… why should life be easy? I mean, come on! This is God we’re talking about! He killed Jesus! Let’s face it. Why, just because we devote our lives to something, do we think it’s going to be easy?! Grow up. It’s not supposed to be easy. Find the beauty, the joy, the growth in the challenge! And stop whining.”
Hahahaha. Hehehehe. Touche, my mentor. Touche. Much love.